I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
