Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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