I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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