the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
