Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is classic penis vs brain.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
