I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
