Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
