You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
