Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
