Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
