Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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