I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
