yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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