Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
