sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
