two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
