dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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