just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
