Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
