dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
