I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
