Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
