i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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