Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize