I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
