you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
