So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
