just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
