I'll bet she douches with gravy.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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