WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
