Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
