I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
