I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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