im drinking this country out of the recession.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
