Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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