I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
