I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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