I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
