Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
