Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
