dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
