Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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