the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
