last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize