After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
