dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
