the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
where are my eyebrows?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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