a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
