I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
