Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
