It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i came on her dog
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
