had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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