Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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