Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
