in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
