Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
