i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
