have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
