i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
