you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
