If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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