Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm both gender and math confused
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
