So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You can't just leave with hair like that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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