Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
