So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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