You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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