i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
not ubering you a puppy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
