So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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