all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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