i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
