when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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