Betty ford says i'm here all night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
