i just wanna soil my oats bro
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
