Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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