I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize