Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm having to shit out rocks
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