I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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