Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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