I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
