I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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