dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
