I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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