I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
