Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
