roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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