I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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