what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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