and you said cock pushups were impossible
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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