We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
