hell yes lets make some ravioli
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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