There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
